A Fully Glossed Russian Text of “The Death of Ivan Ilich” with Explanatory and Interpretive Annotations
Chapter 9
По́здно но́чью верну́лась жена́. Она́ вошла́ на цы́почках, но он услыха́л её: откры́л глаза́ и поспе́шно закры́л опя́ть. Она́ хоте́ла усла́ть Гера́сима и сама́ сиде́ть с ним. Он откры́л глаза́ и сказа́л:
Он согласи́лся и вы́пил. Она́ ушла́.
Часо́в до трёх он был в мучи́тельном забытьи́. Ему́ каза́лось, что его́ с бо́лью сую́т куда́-то в у́зкий чёрный мешо́к и глубо́кий, и всё да́льше просо́вывают, и не мо́гут просу́нуть. [1] И э́то ужа́сное для него́ де́ло соверша́ется с страда́нием. И он и бои́тся, и хо́чет провали́ться туда́, и бо́рется, и помога́ет. И вот вдруг он оборва́лся и упа́л, и очну́лся. Всё тот же Гера́сим сиди́т в нога́х на посте́ли, дре́млет споко́йно, терпели́во. А он лежи́т, подня́в ему́ на́ плечи исхуда́лые но́ги в чулка́х; свеча́ та же с абажу́ром, и та же непрекраща́ющаяся боль.
– Уйди́, Гера́сим, - прошепта́л он.
Он снял но́ги, лёг бо́ком на́ руку, и ему́ ста́ло жа́лко себя́. Он подожда́л то́лько того́, чтоб Гера́сим вы́шел в сосе́днюю ко́мнату, и не стал бо́льше уде́рживаться и запла́кал, как дитя́. Он пла́кал о беспо́мощности свое́й, о своём ужа́сном одино́честве, о жесто́кости люде́й, о жесто́кости Боѓа, об отсу́тствии Бо́га. "Зачем ты всё э́то сде́лал? Заче́м привёл меня́ сюда́? За что, за что так ужа́сно му́чаешь меня́?.."[2] Он и не ждал отве́та и пла́кал о том, что нет и не мо́жет быть отве́та. Боль подняла́сь опя́ть, но он не шевели́лся, не звал. Он говори́л себе́, "Ну ещё, ну бей! Но за что? Что я сде́лал тебе́, за что?"[3]
Пото́м он зати́х, переста́л не то́лько пла́кать, переста́л дыша́ть и весь стал внима́ние: как бу́дто он прислу́шивался не к го́лосу, говоря́щему зву́ками, но к го́лосу души́, к хо́ду мы́слей, поднима́вшемуся в нём.[4]
– Чего́ тебе́ ну́жно? – бы́ло пе́рвое я́сное, могу́щее быть вы́ражено слова́ми поня́тие, кото́рое, он услы́шал. - Что тебе́ ну́жно? Чего́ тебе́ ну́жно? - повтори́л он себе́. – Чего́? – Не страда́ть. Жить, - отве́тил он.
И опя́ть он весь преда́лся внима́нию тако́му напряжённому, что да́же боль не развлека́ла его́.
– Жить? Как жить? - спроси́л го́лос души́.
– Да, жить, как я жил пре́жде--хорошо́, прия́тно.
– Как ты жил пре́жде, хорошо́ и прият́но? - спроси́л го́лос. И он стал перебира́ть в воображе́нии лу́чшие мину́ты свое́й прия́тной жи́зни. Но - стра́нное де́ло - все э́ти лу́чшие мину́ты прия́тной жи́зни каза́лись тепе́рь совсе́м не тем, чем каза́лись они́ тогда́. Все - кро́ме пе́рвых воспомина́ний де́тства. Там, в де́тстве, бы́ло что́-то тако́е действи́тельно прия́тное, с чем мо́жно бы бы́ло жить, е́сли бы оно́ верну́лось. Но того́ челове́ка, кото́рый испы́тывал э́то прия́тное, уже́ не́ было: э́то бы́ло как бы воспомина́ние о како́м-то друго́м.
Как то́лько начина́лось то, чего́ результа́том был тепе́решний он, Ива́н Ильи́ч, так все каза́вшиеся тогда́ ра́дости тепе́рь на глаза́х его́ та́яли и превраща́лись во что́-то ничто́жное и ча́сто га́дкое.
И чем да́льше от де́тства, чем бли́же к настоя́щему, тем ничто́жнее и сомни́тельнее бы́ли ра́дости. Начина́лось э́то с Правове́дения. Там бы́ло ещё кое-что́ и́стинно хоро́шее: там бы́ло весе́лье, там была́ дру́жба, там бы́ли наде́жды. Но в вы́сших кла́ссах уже́ бы́ли ре́же э́ти хоро́шие мину́ты. Пото́м, во вре́мя пе́рвой слу́жбы у губерна́тора, опя́ть появи́лись хоро́шие мину́ты: э́то бы́ли воспомина́ния о любви́ к же́нщине. Пото́м всё э́то смеща́лось, и ещё ме́ньше ста́ло хоро́шего. Да́лее ещё ме́ньше хоро́шего, и что да́льше, то ме́ньше.
Жени́тьба... так неча́янно, и разочарова́ние, и за́пах изо рта жены́, и чу́вственность, притво́рство! И э́та мёртвая слу́жба, э́ти забо́ты о деньга́х, ита́к год, и два, и де́сять, и два́дцать – и всё то же. И что да́льше, то мертвéе. То́чно равноме́рно я шёл по́д гору, вообража́я, что иду́ на́ гору. Так и бы́ло. В обще́ственном мнении я шёл на́ гору, и ро́вно насто́лько из-под меня́ уходи́ла жизнь... И вот гото́во, умира́й!
Так что ж э́то? Заче́м? Не мо́жет быть. Не мо́жет быть, чтоб так бессмы́сленна, гадка́ была́ жизнь? А е́сли то́чно она́ так гадка́ и бессмы́сленна была́, так заче́м же умира́ть, и умир́ать страда́я? Что́-нибудь не так.
"Мо́жет быть, я жил не так, как до́лжно?" – приходи́ло ему́ вдруг в го́лову. "Но как же не так, когда́ я де́лал всё как сле́дует?"[5] - говори́л он себе́ и то́тчас же отгоня́л от себя́ э́то еди́нственное разреше́ние всей зага́дки жи́зни и сме́рти, как что́-то соверше́нно невозмо́жное.
"Чего́ ж ты хо́чешь тепе́рь? Жить? Как жить? Жить, как ты живёшь в суде́, когда́ суде́бный приста́в провозглаша́ет "Суд идёт!.." Суд идёт, идёт суд, повтори́л он себе́. Вот он, суд![6] Да я же не винова́т! вскри́кнул он с зло́бой. – За что?" И он переста́л пла́кать и, поверну́вшись лицо́м к стене́, стал ду́мать всё об одно́м и том же: заче́м, за что весь э́тот у́жас?
Но ско́лько он ни ду́мал, он не нашёл отве́та. И когда́ ему́ приходи́ла, как она́ приходи́ла ему́ ча́сто, мысль о том, что всё э́то происхо́дит оттого́, что он жил не так, он то́тчас вспомина́л всю пра́вильность свое́й жи́зни и отгоня́л э́ту стра́нную мысль.
- This is the first mention of the image of a narrow, black sack or bag or hole into which Ivan Ilich feels himself being pushed. The image has played an important role in interpretations of the novel which emphasize that Ivan Ilich, led by his sufferings, becomes spiritually reborn as his physical life ebbs away. The black bag, by its shape and its color and the fact that when, in chapter twelve, Ivan Ilich feels that he has broken through the end of the bag into the light, has been seen as an effective symbol of the birth canal. Likewise, the trauma of birth seems well matched with the trauma of Ivan Ilich's suffering and death. This interpretation, of course, fits very well with the concept that the novel privileges the method of "understanding in reverse." It seems quite natural in this context that the image of death should be tautologous with an image of life and also that Ivan Ilich's attitude toward this image should be ambiguous: "he struggled, yet co-operated." ↵
- Here is another allusion to the narrative of Christ's Passion as contained in the Gospels, specifically to Jesus' outcry "My God, my God, why hast Thou forsaken me?" (Matt. 27:46 inter alia). ↵
- Here, as in the preceding sentence, Ivan Ilich uses the form of the pronoun "you" which is employed when speaking to very close friends and family members, and also, not incidentally, when speaking to God in prayer. "What did I to you" might well be rendered (as the Maude translation does) "What have I done to Thee"? ↵
- Here is the first explicit indication that Ivan Ilich does indeed have a soul, that he is more than the physiological being which is suffering so dreadfully from the effects of disease. We remember that in Chapter Five his "inner life" was still completely a question of the physical organs located within his body. Here the inner life and voice represent a qualitatively different kind of life. Ivan Ilich's attention has finally been redirected from his physical life and sufferings to his spiritual life and sufferings. We note that since chapter seven it has seemed to him that his spiritual suffering has in fact been greater than his physical pain. At the end of Chapter Nine the thought occurs to him that "Maybe I didn't live as I ought to have done," that is, that he is where he is by his own actions and responsibility. This thought, and the conclusion arising from it, is repeated yet again in each of the three remaining chapters. ↵
- "Sleduet" is a form of the verb "sledovat'" ("to follow"). It is used here in its conventional sense as an impersonal synonym of the personal construction of necessity, "dolzhen + infinitive, in the meaning "as I was supposed to," "as I should have." But the expression also suggests its literal sense of "following." Ivan Ilich is confident that his life could not have been "ne tak" (lit., "not so" but often suggesting "wrong, improper") because he has always behaved as he has in emulation of, following in the footsteps of, his betters and peers in society. ↵
- The word "sud" can mean "court" in the sense of the judge(s) charged with superintending a trial and it can also mean the trial itself or the result of the trial, the judgement that is rendered by the court. This latter meaning is exemplified in the Russian religious phrase "Strashnyj sud," what in English is called "the Last Judgement" or "Judgement Day." ↵
Late at night (his) wife returned
She came in on tip-toes
but he heard her
(he) opened (his) eyes and hurriedly closed (them) again
She wanted to send away Gerasim and herself to sit with him
He opened (his) eyes and said
No. Go
Are you suffering very (much)
(It's) all the same
Take (some) opium
He agreed and took (lit. drank) (it)
She left
Until about 3:00 o'clock he was in (a state of) tormenting oblivion
To him (it) seemed that (they) are shoving him (together) with (his) pain somewhere into a narrow black sack and deep
and (they) ever farther are shoving and (they) cannot shove (him) in all the way
And this terrible for him act is being accomplished with suffering
And he is both afraid and wants to fall right into there
(he) both fights (it) and helps]
And here suddenly he burst through and fell, and (he) came to himself (lit., opened his eyes)
(As) always the same Gerasim is sitting at his (Ivan Ilich's) feet on the bed
(he) dozes peacefully, patiently
And he (Ivan Ilich) is lying (there), having raised (his) wasted feet in stockings onto his (Gerasim's) shoulders
the same candle with the shade and the same unceasing pain
Go away, Gerasim, whispered he
It's okay, I'll sit a while (more), sir
No, Go away
He took down (his) legs, lay down on his side onto his arm
and he became sorry for himself
He waited only (until) Gerasim had gone out into the adjacent room
and (he) no longer could (lit., no longer (even) began to) restrain himself and (he) began to cry like a child
He cried about (his) helplessness
about his terrible loneliness
about the cruelty of people, about the cruelty of God, about the absence of God
Why have you done all this? Why have (you) brought me here? For what, for what are (you) so terribly tormenting me
He did not even expect an answer
and (he) cried about (the fact) that there is no and cannot be (any) answer
The pain raised itself up again, but he did not stir (i.e., didn't move a muscle), did not call
He said to himself: "Well, still (more), well (go ahead and) beat (at me)! But what for? What did I do to you, what for?
Then he fell silent
(he) not only stopped crying, (he) stopped breathing and all (of him) became attention
as if he was listening not to a voice speaking in sounds
but to the voice of (his) soul, to the course of thoughts which was raising itself up in him
What (is it) you need
was the first clear, capable of being expressed in words idea that he heard
What do you need? What (is it) you need? he repeated to himself
What (is it)
Not to suffer. To live, replied he
And again all of him gave itself over to an attention so intense that even the pain did not distract him
To live? How to live? asked the voice of (his) soul
Yes, to live, as I lived before--well, pleasantly
As you lived before, well and pleasantly? asked the voice
And he (Ivan Ilich) began to sort through in imagination the best minutes of his pleasant life
But--a strange thing--all these best minutes of (his) pleasant life seemed now (to be) not at all what (they) had seemed (to be) then
All (of them), except the first recollections of childhood
There, in childhood, (there) was something so actually pleasant
with which (it) would have been possible to live, if it would return
But the person who experienced those pleasant things no longer was (i.e., existed)
this was as it were a recollection about some other (person)
As soon as that (time) began, of which the result was the current he (i.e., his current self), Ivan Ilich
so (also) all (of the things which) seemed then (to be) joys now before his eyes melted (away) and turned into something completely trivial (lit., into nothing) and often repulsive
And the further from childhood, the closer to the present
the more trivial and more dubious were the joys
This (time of decline) began from (the time when he started) Law School
There (there) was still something truly good
there (there) was merriment
there (there) was friendship, there (there) were hopes
But in the higher grades already these good minutes were more rare
Then, at the time of (his) first official post with the (provincial) governor
again (there) appeared good minutes
these were recollections about love for (a) woman
Then all that got spoiled (lit., displaced)
and still less of (what was) good did (there) begin (to be)
Further (on) (there was) still less of the good, and the farther, the less
(His) marriage . . . so accidentally (i.e., thoughtlessly) (entered into), and the disenchantment, and the smell out of the mouth of (his) wife, and the sensuality, the pretense
And this dead service (at the office)
these worries about money
and so on for a year, for two, and ten, and twenty
and always the same
And the farther, the more dead
(It's) exactly (like) I was steadily going downhill
while imagining that (I) am going uphill
That's the way it was
In society's opinion I was going uphill
and just so much (i.e., in the same proportion) from beneath me life was departing
and here (it's) ready, (so) die
So just what is this
For what
(It) can't be
(It) can't be that (my) life was so senseless, repulsive
And if in fact it (i.e., life) is so repulsive and senseless
so why then die and die suffering
Something is not right (lit., so)
Maybe I lived not rightly, (not) as (I) should (have)
(it) came suddenly into his head
But how (could it be) not right
when I have done everything as (it) behooves (us to do)
said he to himself and immediately drove away from himself this one and only solution of the entrie riddle of life and death as (though it were) something absolutely impossible
What is it you want now
To live? To live how
To live as you live in court
when the bailiff proclaims "The court is coming
The court is coming, here comes the court he repeated to himself
Here it is, judgement
But I am not guilty
cried he with malice
For what
And he stopped crying
and having turned himself with his face to the wall
(he) began to think over and over about one and the same thing
why, for what is all this horror
But however much he thought
he did not find an answer
And when to him would come, as it would come to him often, the thought
(the thought) that all this is happening because he lived not rightly
he immediately would recall all the correctness of his life and would drive away this strange thought
