17.1 It’s No Use, Jimmy

The 1991 film The Commitments is about a soul band in Dublin, Ireland. The drummer, Billy, has a problem: he has to quit the band because he can’t stand the singer, Deco. When the manager, Jimmy, tries to talk him out of it, Billy says:

Billy: “It’s no use, Jimmy, it’ll end in violence. I’m going to have to hit him, and I’m on probation.”

Jimmy:“Probation? What for?”

Billy: “For hitting a prick just like him.”

I’m glad Billy decided not to resort to violence, but is quitting the group the only other option? Perhaps you can relate: group life doesn’t always go well, and it often seems like the problem is unresolvable.

I have been approached by many students who asked to either quit a classroom project group, or kick someone out. The first class I ever taught was an example: it was a Small Group Communication course, and back then students had the option to expel a member who just wasn’t pulling their weight — as long as they understood that 50% of the grade was based on group work, so kicking someone out would mean their automatic failure. This was intended as a deterrent, as leverage to motivate someone to pitch in and do their part when all else failed. So my heart sank when a group approached me halfway through the semester and told me that they wanted to eject not one but two members of the five-person group: here we go!

My first question was, “What have you said to these two members about this?”

Their answer, perhaps unsurprisingly, was “Nothing.”

“Oh, well, talk to them first, and if you can’t make any progress, then we’ll discuss what happens next.” I didn’t hear anything from them over the next week.

When I asked them the following week how it was going in the group, they cheerfully replied: “Great! We worked it out.” I was quite relieved … and impressed, partly because we hadn’t even gotten to the textbook chapter on conflict yet. But there was a conflict chapter in that small group communication textbook — there’s always a chapter about conflict in group communication textbooks, and in organizational communication textbooks, and family communication textbooks, and interpersonal communication textbooks. Going back to the forms of communication in Chapter 1, conflict can occur on the mass, public, group, interpersonal, or intrapersonal level, and may refer to everything from large-scale wars between nations to having a “falling out” with a roommate. Any book about communication and relationships that doesn’t discuss conflict is ignoring an inevitable part of life.