12.6 Six Purposes of Nonverbal Communication

A related question is why we use these channels : what can they accomplish? The fact that there are an unlimited number of things you can do with your body implies that nonverbal communication can serve an unlimited number of purposes , but several common ones emerge:

Bonding and intimacy. We use nonverbals to communicate forms of love, whether that be romantic love between life partners, or simple friendship. It is largely through nonverbals that we let potential partners know we like them, let new group members know they belong, and let people in a conversation know that we really want to hear what they have to say.

Enhancing verbal communication. Hand gestures, facial expressions, and vocal emphasis can contribute a great deal to the meaning of spoken words , and sometimes replace the need to say them. If someone asks where the nearest bathroom is, you can just point. On the other hand, nonverbals can muddy a situation instead of clarifying, as is the case with the double-bind messages discussed earlier.

Expressing emotions. This connects to purposes 1 and 2, but clearly one of the things nonverbal communication does particularly well is represent your emotional state. Have you ever wondered why humans can cry? Like most animals, we have tear ducts to prevent our eyes from drying out — as do cats and horses, but they don’t convey emotion through drops of water falling from their eyes. A 2001 BBC documentary called The Human Face begins with host John Cleese asking “Why is it that so few soap operas feature crocodiles?”. The answer, he suggests, is because crocodiles can’t make facial expressions, so they are extremely limited in how they can express emotions — in contrast to humans, who have many facial muscles that help them convey a vast array of emotions (see the “emotion wheels” in Chapter 8 for ideas about how many emotions there are).

Managing conversations. Nonverbals are a subtle but important way of letting people know little things like “I’m done talking; you can take a turn now,” or the opposite, “I’m not done speaking; let me finish.” People often use nonverbals to signal that they want to begin a conversation, or end one. When I moved to Minnesota three decades ago, I learned how you let people at a party know you want to go home: put your hands on your knees, bob your head, and say “Well, I suppose…”

Asserting dominance — or accepting it. President Johnson’s “in your grill” behavior is a dramatic example, but there are many ways to claim power and importance through your vocal style and posture, as well as through clothing and the arrangement of nearby objects and furniture. Has a visit to a professor’s or boss’s office ever gone this way? The door is open, so you stand politely in the doorway and knock softly while they continue to stare at their screen, until they are done whatever they’re doing and invite you to sit (or perhaps there’s nowhere to sit, so you awkwardly remain standing). Then they “hold the floor” for the next 45 minutes, talking in a way that doesn’t give you many opportunities to speak, until you are running late and have to figure out how to leave their office without being rude. They may not be mean-spirited or aggressive, but the whole interaction is still filled with reminders of which person is the important one.

Communicating identity, both on an individual and social level. How do you tell the world who you are, and what groups you identify with? Largely through forms of nonverbal communication that we aren’t covering in this chapter (e.g., clothing, emblems, furniture, and architecture), but also through vocal intonations, gestures, and other bodily forms of communication. Although “gaydar” may not be reliable, it is often true that people signal their sexual orientation through nonverbal behaviors. Likewise, if you watch a soundless video of people from other countries speaking, you might be able to zero in on their national origin just from the gestures they use, or even their facial expressions and the way they hold their mouth.

So this sounds simple: to unlock the power of nonverbal communication, you just have to take that first list of eight forms and combine it with the list of six purposes, and you can figure out exactly what channels to use to meet your goals, and decipher what others are trying to tell you. Easy peasy! Well, if you think anything about communication, especially nonverbal communication, is easy, then you’re reading the wrong book. And a book — a format that only encompasses written words and a few pictures — is probably not the place to go in the first place.

If the purpose of reading a chapter on nonverbal communication isn’t to “unlock the secrets,” what is its purpose?